Disney Mania Mediator Style
by Sushi Bowl
Summary: Taking all your favourite childhood memories of old Disney classics, and screwing them up beyond belief. Send reviews for any song requests. THIS WAS SEVENTH GRADE, HAHA. Please ignore this story!
1. I Won't Say It

**Wow. I was bored... **

**Remember, listen to "I Won't Say (I'm in love)" to this song, or just hum.  
And so, the first part of Disney Mainia Mediator-style.**

**( Oh my God, I'm a loser.)**

**---START!--- **

**Suze, walking through a grave yard, suddenly bursts out in song**:  
If there's a prize for sucky mediation,  
I guess I've already stolen that…  
No ghost is worth the aggravation…  
That's ancient history, been there, broke that!

**Random Ghosts that jump out of graves**:

_Who'd' ya think you're kiddin'  
He's the Earth and Heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you  
Girl, ya can't conceal it  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of  
_  
**Suze**:  
(spoken) What the hell are you talking about?  
I'm not saying anything about Jesse…

**Random Ghosts**:  
_You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh_

**Suze**:  
I'm not denying anything!  
Wait, am I seeing things again?

I thought my head had learned its lesson  
it's just so damn annoying when it starts up  
my thoughts are screaming 'Exorcise them, Suze'!  
That little voice I never told my physiologist about…  
Oh!

**Random Ghosts**:  
_You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad_

**Suze**:  
(singing) You little freaks,  
I'm not doing anything…

**Random Ghosts**:  
_Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love  
_  
**Suze**:  
This scene won't play,  
I'm afraid you aren't real…

**Ghosts**:  
_You're doing flips, read our lips  
You're in love!  
_  
**Suze**:  
You're insane…  
I'm not batting for the other team,  
Get off my case  
or I think I'm going to scream…

**Random Ghosts**:  
_Girl, don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love_

**Suze**:  
Oh!  
I might be having an anxiety attack!  
So! (slows down voice) I think I'm going to need Prozac...

**---FIN---**

**Mostly made 'cause I bored.**

**Reviews make me feel warm inside, and send in ideas for more Disney Parodies.**

**Bleah. By now I've realized I have no minions. **


	2. Kill the Girl

**Wow. I was bored... **

**Remember, listen to "I Won't Say (I'm in love)" to this song, or just hum.  
And so, the first part of Disney Mainia Mediator-style.**

**( Oh my God, I'm a loser.)**

**---START!--- **

**Suze, walking through a grave yard, suddenly bursts out in song**:  
If there's a prize for sucky mediation,  
I guess I've already stolen that…  
No ghost is worth the aggravation…  
That's ancient history, been there, broke that!

**Random Ghosts that jump out of graves**:

_Who'd' ya think you're kiddin'  
He's the Earth and Heaven to you  
Try to keep it hidden  
Honey, we can see right through you  
Girl, ya can't conceal it  
We know how ya feel and  
Who you're thinking of  
_  
**Suze**:  
(spoken) What the hell are you talking about?  
I'm not saying anything about Jesse…

**Random Ghosts**:  
_You swoon, you sigh  
why deny it, uh-oh_

**Suze**:  
I'm not denying anything!  
Wait, am I seeing things again?

I thought my head had learned its lesson  
it's just so damn annoying when it starts up  
my thoughts are screaming 'Exorcise them, Suze'!  
That little voice I never told my physiologist about…  
Oh!

**Random Ghosts**:  
_You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad_

**Suze**:  
(singing) You little freaks,  
I'm not doing anything…

**Random Ghosts**:  
_Give up, give in  
Check the grin you're in love  
_  
**Suze**:  
This scene won't play,  
I'm afraid you aren't real…

**Ghosts**:  
_You're doing flips, read our lips  
You're in love!  
_  
**Suze**:  
You're insane…  
I'm not batting for the other team,  
Get off my case  
or I think I'm going to scream…

**Random Ghosts**:  
_Girl, don't be proud  
It's O.K. you're in love_

**Suze**:  
Oh!  
I might be having an anxiety attack!  
So! (slows down voice) I think I'm going to need Prozac...

**---FIN---**

**Mostly made 'cause I bored.**

**Reviews make me feel warm inside, and send in ideas for more Disney Parodies.**

**Bleah. By now I've realized I have no minions. **


	3. The Girl Nessesities

Because Kelly doesn't get enough credit.

---

**Kelly, holding pom-poms:**

Look for the girl necessities!

Care about the cheerleader's PMS-full strife!

I mean _those_ girl necessities

Old Mother Playtex's recipes

Daddy buys the girl necessities of life

Whenever I do flips, whenever I cause little geeks to cry

I couldn't be fonder of my big...

THE BEES ARE BUZZING IN THOSE TREES.

They make some honey just for ME!

When you look under the rocks and plants

I'm going to say, "Ew! Ants!"

Then maybe make you try a few

The girl necessities of life won't come to you

They'll come to me, YAY!

Look for the girl necessities!

The pretty girl's necessities

Forget about your natural hair color and your eyes

I mean, why can't Suzie ever wear mascara?

That's why a cheerleader can never rest at ease,

She's always looking after her fellow bimbo-ees.

Now when I pick a guy

I'm always just prepared

And YOU pick up a ten,

I'll steal 'em once again,

Don't take me on your date,

When you try and pick a mate

I try to use the claw

And maybe introduce him to your ex, mwhahah!

**Very Stupid Cheerleader:**

_When I try and pick up Paulie with his hotness and leather shoes..._

**Kelly, angrily:**

Have I given you a clue ?

He's mine, bitch.

He won't come to you!

(Pause, looks calm)

So just try and relax, yay! Cool it!

I'm having a party in my backyard

'Cause let me tell you something other bitches,

If you act like that chick acts, uh uh

You're not in our clique anymore, go join Adam and that albino!

And don't spend your time lookin' around

For me to save you from this fate, I'm already going make some jocks pound you!

When you find out you can't live without me

And go along not thinkin' about me

I'll tell you something true

The girl necessities of life won't come to you

---

CHEERLEADERS ATTACK.

MWHAHAHAH.


	4. Paulie Pan's Shifting Song

Hello, my googly-eyed Russian dancers.

To clear up any confusion, the last post's song was from The Jungle Book.

This is from Peter Pan.

Paul. Peter.

Both are psychotic freaks.

_("You're black." Says the pot to the kettle.)_

**---**

**Paul: **

Think of Jesse, who you've sought  
Any horrid little thought  
Think of Shadowland, think of it's highs and lows…  
Think of spirits we all hate…

And…

(Sarcastically)

Here

We

Go!  
Like a ghost in the rift…

**Chorus:**

_You can shift! You can shift!  
You can shift! You can shift!_

**Paul:**

Soon you'll materialize all around the astral plane…  
All it takes is sleeping around and lust  
but the thing that's a positive must  
Is a little bit of books that have collected must…

(beat)

Only kidding.

(musical beat)

(spoken) The LUST is a positive must.

**Chorus:**

_You can shift! You can shift!  
You can shift! You can shift!_

**Paul:**

When there's some fear in your heart  
There's no better time to start  
It's a very simple plan…  
To get in your pants, I'm doing all I can…

At least it's worth a try.

A shot.

**_'CAUSE YOUR HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! _**

---FIN---

And here, Suze kicks Paul veeeeeeeery hard.

But he's too busy singing to notice her foot is in Paul's private place.

I have three minions. You know who you are. I love you…

LET'S BRING PAUL TO LIFE.

And Suzie-Q, too…

Jesse, however, can stay in the freaking book. His pants are MUCH too tight.

Yeah. We'll bring him to life, too.

AND ON TO THE NEXT SONG.

I'll be working in my lair...


	5. Hellfire

Two updates in two days.

Be happy, my candy-coated atomic bombs.

And sing to the tune of Hellfire, from _Hunchback of Notre Dame. _It's one of my favorite Disney movies.

(The one with the singing gargoyles, of course. the actual movie can go straight to-)

---START!---

**Ghosts: **

V_ultus nos teneo vos diligo suus _(Look, we know you love her, and you want  
some kin)

_A emanio sensus , piaculum _(A spreading feeling, a sin)

_Rambling latin, translate it yourself _(We're your lackeys, just a little bit)

_More rambling, don't these guys shut up? _(And we can't rhyme for shi-)

**Paul:**

All these ghosts I own…  
You know I am a controlling man  
of my criminal record I am justly proud

**Ghosts:**

Et tibit Paul (_And to you, Paulie_)

**Paul**:

All you little slaves  
you know I'm so much better than  
the common, vulgar, weak, non-shifter crowd

**Ghosts:**

Certus, quidne? _(Sure, why not?)_

**Paul:**

Then tell me, annoying spirits  
why I see her mediating there  
why her algae eyes still scorch my soul

**Ghosts:**

Cogitatione (_In thought_)

**Paul:**

I feel her, I see her  
the astral light caught in brown hair  
is blazing in me out of all control

**Ghosts:**

Verbo et opere (_In word and se- um, deed?_)

**Paul**:

Like fire  
Hellfire  
This fire in my wood

**(A/N: And he's not talking about a cherry tree. Nope.) **  
This burning  
Desire  
is turning me to _GOOD_?

It's _NOT_ my fault.

**Ghosts:**

Mea culpa (_Through my fault_)

**Paul**:

I'm not to blame!

**Ghosts:**

Mea culpa (_Through my fault_)

**Paul:**

It is the naive school-girl  
the bitch who sent this flame

**Ghosts:**

Mea maxima culpa (_Through my most griveous fault_)

**Paul:**

It's not my fault!

**Ghosts:**

Mea culpa (_Through my fault_)

**Paul**:

If it's in MY plan…

**Ghosts:**

Mea culpa (_Through my fault_)

**Paul:**

God made this chick so much  
Stronger than a man

**Ghosts:**

Mea maxima culpa (_Through my most griveous fault_)

**Paul:**

Protect me, something magical  
Don't let this siren cast her spell  
Don't let her morals sear my flesh and bone  
Destroy Susannah  
And let her taste the fires of hell  
Or else let her be mine and mine alone

**Biker Bob:**

_Sir Paul the Small, the girl has escaped from your room._

**Paul:**

_Whaaaaat?_

**Biker Bob:**

_Dude, you are into some serious S & M. I saw the chains. Was she willing? 'Cause I want some of that-_

**Paul:**

_But how? Never mind. Get out, you idiot_  
_I'll find her. I'll find her if I have to burn down all of California!_

Hellfire  
I'm the dark fire  
Now Suzie, it's your turn  
Choose me or  
Your Jesse  
Be mine or you will burn

**Ghosts:**

Kyrie Eleison (_Have some mercy)_

**Paul:**

Those blindfolds are so hot, though.

**Ghosts:**

Kyrie Eleison (_Those chains are mighty smexy)_

**Paul:**

Chains? I like the silk better.

**Ghosts:**

Kyrie Eleison lit mosium twa salio you ti huain reuit ande gir s ir aiw dmwi utoy ighiu ajdne werentusn kyseirt djsuwa gib joi uko youd na ca re fo letyiu matrit wesao mituy sawer que ma question goy uirtjeu hiwur air ti malit mse retys cuetwr salier werftirne ghoy matly a phlesi o!

(_Sure.)_

**Paul:**

But she will be mine  
Or she will burn!

_---END---_

Paul has an STD. Most likely.

And you know this song actually fit my outline. Frollo just sings the Disneyed-down versions.

However, Paul can swear and talk about sex as much as he'd like.

Q: WHERE THE _HELL_ IS SUZE?

A: She escaped from the bondage, moron.

Please review. They warm up my physcotic heart...

**CONTEST**

And whoever can guess the next song gets a cameo.

**'Till the end of the weekend **is the time you have.

Please tell me what you think of Paul's song while you guess.


	6. Part Of Your World

Okay, a bunch of people asked for it, so here it is…

'Part of Your World' from _The Little Mermaid_.

(And for everyone else who is asking for things, remember, it has to be from an old Disney movie. It can't be something like the Big Bad Wolf, but I LOVE THAT IDEA!!!!!!! As soon as I have time, I'm making it.)

This is very AU at the beginning. Just keep reading, okay?

**---START---**

**SUZE:**  
(Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me.  
I just don't see how a guy that does such scary, unspeakable things could be bad.)

Look at this shifter  
Isn't he neat?  
Wouldn't you think my harassment is complete?  
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl  
The girl who needs to be left alone?  
Look at his bed  
Secrets untold

(How many condoms can one bedroom hold?)

Looking around here you think  
Sure, she's got birth control...  
I've lost Jesse's public opinion poll…  
I've got Paul and he kinda owns me…  
You want me to act on some moral degree?  
I've got Father Dom!  
But who cares?  
No big deal  
I'm no whore…

I wanna be where Paul is not  
I wanna run, wanna see him get a blood clot  
Wheeling around on those - what do you call 'em?  
Oh – CHAIRS!!!!!!

Materializin' with your arms, you don't get too far  
Jesse is required for jumping, dancing  
Floating along down a - what's that word again?  
Astral plane-

Up where they glide, up where Paul hasn't made his mark  
Up where they stay all day in the dark  
Wanderin' aimlessly - wish I could be  
Away from Paul…

What would I give if I could live out of a tent?  
What would I pay to spend a day alone out in the woods?  
Bet'cha in Canada they understand  
That you don't reprimand your hostages

Bright young women, sick of a man

Ready to make an anti-Paul band…

I'm ready to know what the shifters know  
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers  
Why does Paul make a fire and send Jesse to - what's the word?  
Burn?

When's it my turn?  
Wouldn't I love, love to see Jesse away from his hell…  
Out of the legal degree  
Wish I could be  
Part of that world


	7. Beauty and the Priest

Howdy. Today's parody is from _Beauty and the Beast_, and has been dubbed _Beauty and the Priest._

Hum to it, or download it off YouTube if necessary.

Please enjoy…

---START---

**Magical Teapot that rests on Father Dommy's desk:  
(speaking) **Oh, does anyone else see what's happening?

**Candlestick next to the lamp (???): **Ze romance is in the air. Ze girl is in love with ze man.

**Jesse: **(materializing) What are Suze and Father Dominic doing?

**Magical Teapot: **I'll tell you when you're older.

**Jesse: **I'm two hundred and fifty years old!

**Magical Teapot: **I'm sure you are. Now, run along, and take your bath.

**Jesse: **Aw! I never get to have any fun.

**Magical Teapot: **You _would_ have fun, but you wear tight pants, so no. You don't get any fun.

**-**

**Magical Teapot: **(singing)**  
**

Tale as old as Sister Eristine

Illegal as it can be (She's only seventeen)

Barely even peers

Then somebody drinks beer

Unexpectedly

Just a pedophiliac change

Criminal to say the least

Both a little scarred

Couldn't do it when the nuns were on guard…

Beauty and the Priest

Ever just a crime

He always pays Suze a dime

Never as before

Ever just as sure

That the $ will rise

Tale as old as Father Dom

Who hasn't been turned on since his last prom

Bittersweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

Certain as an STD (certain as HIV)

It was almost contracted in the Bronx

Tale as old as Jesse's sex drive

Suze needed something alive…

Beauty and the Priest

Tale as old as Sister Eristine

Come on, Father Dom! SUZE IS ONLY SEVENTEEN.

_Beauty and the Priest_

---FIN---

I love you, whoever sent this request in. Sorry it took so long, but you know how many lines I had to work with?

THREE.

I love you…

Review…


	8. I'll Make a Girl Out of You

So yay, new update. This is an "I'll Make a Man Out of You," from _Mulan_ parody. I'm going to do another one sometime, like "I'll Make a Fangirl Out of You,".

The reason I haven't been updating is because I've been on Ebay, buying a Kaoru poster.

I LOVE YOU, BABY. LET'S RENDEZVOUS TO ANOTHER COMIC BOOK.

He's so gorgeous..

**AND HE'S IN A SAILOR SUIT. **

---START---

**Paul:**

Let's get down to business--to seduce the girlfriend.

Why did they send me Jesse when I asked for Suze?

You're the saddest ghost I ever met

But you can bet before we're through

Bitch, please, I'll make a girl out of you

I may look sexy as hell

But I'm evil within

Once you act like a shifting mentor

You are sure to win

You're a spineless, pale, pathetic undead

And you haven't got a clue

Somehow I'll make a girl out of you

**Jesse**:

I'm never going to catch his breath-

**Suze **(grabs her suitcase):

Say good-bye to those who knew me.

**Jesse**:

Boy, was I a fool for answering Paul's call…

**Paul**:

HAHA! I've got him scared to death!

**Jesse **(sharpens his knife):

Hope he doesn't see what I'm doing.

**Paul**:

When I'm done, Suze won't be able to screw him.

**Suze:**

Screw you, I'll become a lesbian.

**Ghosts holding Jesse down**:

We must be ignore Suze's shivers

(**Paul: **She isn't escaping.)

With all the force of a (censored) strewn

With all the strength of this zombie choir

Mysterious as the dark side of Paul's-

Well, you'll find the word out soon.

**Paul:**

Time is racing toward us till the police arrive

Heed my every order and I might let you survive

You're unsuited for the loss of my whore

So pack up, go back to your cage, you're through

How could I make a girl out of you?

**Ghosts holding Jesse down**:

We must be swift when the doctor delivers

With all the force of a forced sex change

With all the annoyance of our pointless redundancy

Mysterious as the dark side of Paul's-

Um, ask your mommy.

---FIN---

Did you know that this was the most requested song (next to Part of Your World)?

MWHAHAHAHAHA.

YOU'RE SCARRED FOR LIFE.

This is lame...

Bleah. I want chocolate. I feel almost sane right now.

_**Review, my sushi rolls of love.**_

_**I'll give you wasabi..**_


	9. Reflection

Dance Dance Revolution is an evil game, you know?

I want to kill the stupid music...

Wheeeeee. This is 'Reflection' from Mulan.

Well, the parody of it, anyway. Since people thought there wasn't enough Jesse. Also, they wanted an update.

And I'm lazy..

---**  
Jesse: **

Look at me

I will never pass for a perfect son..

Or a perfect daughter

Can it be?

I'm not meant to play this gender?

Now I see…

That if I were truly to be myself

I would break Susannah's heart..

**Suze:**

Wait. What?

**Jesse**:

Who is that girl I see

Staring straight

Back at me?

**Suze:**

_Huh?_

**Jesse:**

Why is my reflection someone

I am scared of?

Somehow my parents cannot hide

Who I am

Though they've tried

When will they let me show

Who I am inside?

**Suze:**

Oh. _Oh._ No. Please, God, NO.

**Jesse:**

When will people let me show

Who I am inside?

---

_And since Reflection is a relatively short song…_

---

**Jesse:**

I am a_ woman_ now..

And I'm very…

Sexy and proud..

Brad is the best thing

That has ever

Happened to me

Suzie, I'm just so sad..

That I can't _touch _Brad…

Can you help me interact..

I'll possess,

And you'll undress…

**Suze:**

You know what? I'm going to take up Paul's offer.

---

Come on. Tell me you did not see that coming. Jesse's song?

HE IS A HOMOSEXUAL.

Not that's there is anything wrong with that, but come_ on._ He wears Spandex. And he likes his pet kitten.

Named Spike.

Also, I tried to keep the Paul references to a minimum this time, because even though Jesse is a cross-dresser…

He still wants to smite Paul's children. With a flamethrower.

**_Review, my innocent mirrors.._**

_**And pandas will crawl into cream puffs..**_

(A/N: This was not meant to be homophobic in any way at all.)


End file.
